Things going bump in the night on the Serenity
by The-Prez
Summary: Mal keeps getting interrupted by strange noises. But what are they?


It's late at night. Mal is taking a late night shower.The steam fills up the room and stays settled throughout. Serenity needs to fix up on it's filtration systems. He'll let Kaylee know about it in the morning.

Right now he's so tired, he couldn't give a shit if Purple Haze was coming out from the air vents. Which reminded him of the ancient archives of Jimi hendrix music he found during one of his raids on the Alliance. When he read on the history of LSD, he wondered if River had been exposed to any of that?

Just as he was drifting into thought, (despite it being useless info and random thought.) He hears a noise, a loud bump. It wasn't the normal sounds of the ship as he had been accustomed to. No, this was something totally different. Something that creeped the hell out of him. He turned off the shower and stepped out.

Mal looks in the mirror, looks around. He appears to be dazed and confused. This story could very well take place after a grueling mission in which he faces pure exhaustion. (Pretty much after any Firefly episode, or after any comic book convention)

"Damn that noise, everyone's asleep as I recall?"

He looks around more, but cannot find any towels or clothes. Or anything to cover with for that matter. He's on his own, to say the least.

"Shoot, I'll have to sneak in my quarters...so tired though..."

While he's taken the path to the starboard quarters many times, he seems to drift from this path in his state of exhaustion.

In the darkness he bumps the walls a few times, but doesn't make much noise to wake anyone. (Only Mal, he's a light sleeper. Why he's lived as long as he has.)

He thinks, "Crap, right about now I want to strangle the douche who designed this piece of shit vessel. No wonder I need a 24/7 mechanic, this piece of crap is breaking down all the time."

He enters the common area, then into

the passenger quarters. He looks around in bewilderment, but then sees something familiar.

"Ah...this should be it."

He opens the door, and walks in. River is there with her gown, and barefooted. She looks up, then down to his crotch.

While staring at the jewels, Her eyes widen and her right eyebrow raises up in curiosity in what shes looking at.

Mal asks impatiently, "What are you doing here alone? Where's your brother?"

River, still enthusiastically staring at his thing . "With Kaylee I suppose."

"What? I mean...ugh, never mind. What are you looking at?"

"Your penis."

"River...um don't tell anyone what you saw."

"What are you refering to? That your right testicle is lower than your left one? Or of your circumcision?"

Mal shakes his head. exits the room. River gives off a smile.

"I see why your Captain of this ship..."

Mal goes back to his quarters, the starboard quarters. He has heard the bump a few different times. Each time he gets closer there, it gets bigger.

He follows the rampaging noise to Kaylee's room.

"I hear it and it's coming from her room. This can't be good." He thinks to himself. He had a picture in his mind what was happening, Kaylee and Simon in the room.

He opened the door, but Simon was not in the room. Kaylee is there, punching a punching bag with boxer gloves on. She looks and gasps at him. She looks down and her eyes widen.

Mal says "Um...sorry. I heard a noise...have you seen Simon?"

Kaylee states, "Simon just went back to his room a couple of minutes ago. What, you thought we were? No, he was helping me train. I'm working out."

She looks up and down at him again and smiles.

"Your working out?

Mal shakes his head and leaves the room.

Kaylee says, "Damn, nice package."

He travels around the ship, but does manage to finally getting aback to his room.

He decides that the next time he's so tired and drunk, (apparently there was a party the night before) he'll bring a map with him. He forgot how much he drank, but it wasn't helping him. He wanted to live past the average age, 120. Not die a young 100 years old.

He enters his room, to find Inara laying on the bed.

"In your bed clothes I see?"

Mal replied, "I love you, but f you. I'm too tired for sarcasm. I've gotten enough tonight. Let's go to bed."

"Ha Ha, your always one to be direct Mal. But don't ever talk to me like that. Don't tell me f you, you F piece of dogsh, you..."

Mal replies "Save it for the morning, let's have sex and go to bed."

"I agree, except for the sex part..ha ha."

He's mad, but he'll make a move on her in the morning. He enters the bed, lays down. The lights go off, and he's just about to go to sleep. But then, he hears a noise. A loud bump, but different than before. Loud enough to keep him awake. His eyes open up, and he lets out a scream.

Inara says, "Shut the f up bit."

The End?


End file.
